


patch me if you can

by siriusdamage



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Cheerio Blaine Anderson, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, McKinley High Cheerios, Mentioned Finn Hudson, Mentioned Kurt Hummel, Past Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Suicide Attempt, big fat tw on this one boys, blaine im so sorry, the ending is kinda rushed but i just wanted to get this finished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26960590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriusdamage/pseuds/siriusdamage
Summary: Blaine returns to McKinley after a suicide attempt. His first day goes less than ideally.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson & Brittany S. Pierce
Kudos: 17





	patch me if you can

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is named after another freezing paint song. no one is surprised
> 
> If you're struggling with anything mentioned in this fic, you can find a list of suicide hotlines [here](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html), a crisis text line [here](https://www.crisistextline.org/). Stay Safe!

Today was Blaine’s first day back at McKinley and to say that he was nervous was a vast understatement. 

At least he wouldn’t have to plan an outfit, he supposed. Sue had agreed to let him keep his place on the Cheerios as long as he stayed quiet about ‘the incident’ as she called it. Blaine showed up at school that day in his Cheerios uniform, this time including the jacket. It was only early October so it hadn’t been cool enough yet for him to wear the jacket. He acknowledged that he would probably be hot in the jacket, but it was better than what was underneath. 

His first two classes were relatively uneventful. He’d only been gone a week since his father insisted on him going back to school as soon as he was physically okay. He was still sore and tired when he returned, but he told himself he could manage.

He’d said hi to classmates who had missed him and gotten the schoolwork he had missed out on while he was gone. During lunch, the Glee Club welcomed him back. Blaine tried not to get too emotional, as did the other members, but it didn’t go too well. There were tears, mostly from Tina. Her and Sam came to visit Blaine in the hospital and it was the same way the entire time. Some people had questions and Blaine tried to give the most generic answers he could, he didn’t want to talk about it. Marley had taken over a lot of his club responsibilities and she helped him catch up on stuff that he missed, as well as offering her own support. Jake did the same, though he seemed a little uncomfortable. Blaine could tell most of the Glee Club didn’t know what to say, not exactly understanding what Blaine had gone through. He told the club he didn’t want to dwell on it, he just wanted everything to be in the past and for them to move on with their lives. He and Sam had the last two classes together and he spent the whole time asking questions, making sure Blaine was okay, and making sure nobody said anything to him that would set him off. Blaine appreciated it, but sometimes it got to be a bit much. He really just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before this had all happened. 

Blaine was planning on going straight home after school to catch up on his work. That is until Kitty reminded him that he had cheer practice after school. He was sure Sue would be considerate of his situation, considering she let him stay on the Cheerios after his attempt. Normally after anything like that, she’d kick them right off the team with zero hesitation. Luckily, Mr. Schue and Pam were both able to talk her into letting him stay. It hadn’t been long and Blaine was still physically recovering. His arms were still incredibly sore, even with pain medication. He knew he couldn’t do much during practice, but it couldn’t hurt to show up. 

So, that afternoon, he showed up to practice on the field behind the school just like any other day. He stuck with Kitty and Brittany while he waited for Sue to show up, they were the only ones there who knew what had happened as well as his only real friends on the Cheerios. Kitty had been protective over him all day. She’d never admit it, but she did care. Brittany was a little confused, but she got the spirit. 

Sue showed up about 10 minutes later than she should’ve, but Blaine and the rest of the Cheerios had come to expect this from her. 

“Alright, ladies and gays,” She greeted, harsh as ever. “Warm-ups, you know the drill.” 

The Cheerios moved from the bleachers out onto the field, all of them ditching their jackets except for Blaine. Sue was quick to notice. 

“Hey, gay number two,” Sue called out, this time through her megaphone. “Jacket off.” 

“But I-” Blaine tried to protest, but Sue cut him off with another shout from the megaphone. 

“You know the rules, no jackets during practice.” 

Blaine knew Sue wasn’t going to budge, so after a moment of hesitation, he reluctantly took off his jacket. He threw it over top of his bag and walked back over to the field where the rest of the Cheerios were. He tried to hide the pristine white bandages on his wrists with his hands, to no avail. There were whispers now coming from half the cheerleaders, all staring at Blaine before Kitty assertively shushed them. There were already rumours going around about what had happened to Blaine, and he knew that this would only solidify those rumours. 

Blaine tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind. He wasn’t supposed to talk about it, Sue had told him. And Blaine wanted to keep his spot on the Cheerios. As awful as Sue was, Blaine still enjoyed cheer. 

He joined in with the rest of them for warm-ups and then they began choreography. It was still early in the season, there weren’t any competitions yet, so it was mostly just practicing smaller routines and helping the new Cheerios train. Blaine tried not to overexert himself, taking it easy especially with his arms. He didn’t stretch them too far and tried to avoid anything that involved props or tumbling. And, of course, Sue noticed. 

She called him sloppy, lazy, incapable, everything Blaine didn’t want to hear after what he just went through. 

So, Blaine stopped ‘slacking’, as she called it. He pushed himself probably further than he should’ve, no matter if it hurt or not. By the time they got to lifts, Blaine was in pain even while not doing anything with his arms. He didn’t think it would be this bad. Sue didn’t allow them many breaks, so Blaine couldn’t go to his bag and get some of the painkillers his doctor had given him in case his wrists or arms got sore. 

They got separated into groups for lifts and stunts and everyone seemed to avoid Blaine. He was left standing alone for a moment before Brittany called him over to join them. Blaine was fine for the most part, he told himself he could do the lifts. 

He was wrong. 

He, Brittany, and another girl he didn’t recognize got ready to boost one of the other girls in the air, but as soon as there was any weight put on his arms, he yelled out in extreme pain. Before he knew it, he was almost falling backwards, his right hand gripping his left wrist, and the cheerio they were supposed to be lifting was on the ground. The white bandage started to turn slightly pink. He must have ripped a stitch or pulled a scab while doing that. 

“What the hell, Blaine?” The cheerleader on the ground said, sitting up. Blaine felt a bit bad for not knowing her name. 

“I-I’m so sorry, I… I didn’t mean-” Blaine stuttered. His hands were shaky and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the pain or nerves. He heard Brittany ask if he was okay, but he just shook his head slightly, staring down at his wrists. 

“Anderson!” Sue’s voice boomed. It was loud through the megaphone and Blaine flinched. “The hell are you doing?” 

“I didn’t- I just,” Blaine stammered. He felt like he was about to cry, just break down in front of the whole team. “It hurt, I couldn’t– I didn’t mean to.” 

“Of course you didn’t mean to,” Sue was walking over to Blaine now, speaking without the megaphone. Somehow it hurt even more. It felt more personal. “Because you’re a sloppy, lazy, irresponsible, self-centred dunce who thinks that a little slip up with a razor will get you special fucking treatment.” 

Blaine didn’t look at Sue as she spoke at him, just stood there shaking and trying not to cry. 

“If you’re not going to do your best, get off my field.” 

“But I am trying-” 

“Clearly, you’re not.” Sue spoke as stern and unyielding as ever, standing over Blaine. He felt like a deer caught in headlights. “Now get out of my sight.” 

Blaine ran off without another word, grabbing his jacket and bag from the bleachers before running inside. He heard someone running behind him but he didn’t stop, didn’t look back. 

When he got to the boys’ locker room, he threw his jacket and bag down onto one of the benches and sat down. He looked down at his wrist, the one that had started bleeding. The bandages were now red with blood. He felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. He tried to keep them from falling, to no avail. Blaine tore the medical tape and started unwrapping the bandages. That was when he heard the locker room door open. 

“Blaine?” He heard a familiar voice call out. 

Blaine sniffled. “This is the boys’ locker room, Brittany. You can’t be in here.”

Brittany walked over towards Blaine and stood in front of him, looking down at him. “You ran off. I got worried.” 

“You don’t have to worry.” 

Blaine finished unwrapping the bandages on his wrist. Luckily, the stitches were still intact, it was just a scab that got ripped off and was bleeding. The bandages had absorbed most of the blood, but there was still a bit oozing out of the wound. He tried not to let himself cry more than he already was, especially in front of Brittany, but he couldn’t help but cry at the sight of his bleeding wrist. He tried not to sob as tears fell down his face, a couple of them landing on his wrist and falling into the wound, causing him to wince in pain and cry even more. 

Brittany knelt down in front of Blaine. “Give me your wrist.”

“What?” Blaine’s voice was weak and shaky. 

“I want to help.” Brittany seemed genuinely concerned for Blaine. Sometimes it was hard to figure out what was going on in her head, but now, it wasn’t. Brittany was a good friend, she always was. All she wanted to do was help. Blaine hesitantly held out his bleeding wrist. Brittany looked at it for a moment before getting up and heading over to the sinks and grabbing and dampening a few paper towels. She returned, starting to wipe up the blood from Blaine’s arm.

“Why are you helping?” Blaine asked quietly. “You don’t have to.” 

“I don’t really understand what happened... I don’t understand a lot of things,” Brittany began. “I just know you’re sad. And you’re hurting. And I don’t like it. I don’t want you to be sad.” Brittany had gotten rid of all the blood now and it had almost stopped bleeding. “I especially don’t want you to be sad that you’re still alive, Blaine Warbler, because I like you alive. You are the biggest bestest unicorn.” 

Blaine smiled sadly. “It was just… so humiliating.” 

“What was?” 

“Waking up in that hospital room,” Blaine wiped at his eyes. “I was just… completely mortified. The look on my mom’s face, it just-” He tried to hold back a sob, just barely succeeding. “I felt– feel like such a failure. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, Brit. Nobody was supposed to find me.” 

“Why not?” Brittany asked. Blaine wasn’t sure if she just didn’t fully understand or she just really wanted to know what was going on with Blaine. They really hadn’t been that close until this year after Kurt left for New York and this was the first conversation they had since Blaine had gotten out of the hospital aside from a quick hello in the choir room. 

“Kurt.” Blaine said. “I couldn’t get his face out of my head. The look on his face when I told him about Eli. He hated me. And then people here started finding out. I don’t know if it was from Kurt or Rachel or Eli, but it didn’t matter. People started hating me here too. The looks I get, the disappointment, disgust, sadness. I got all of that from myself already but getting it from other people was different. Sam was the only one who didn’t look at me like that, but I could tell even he hated what I did. And I don’t blame him. Everyone hates me.” Blaine shrugged. “It just felt like I would be doing everyone a favour.” 

“Does Kurt know?” 

“I don’t know,” He sniffled. “Finn knows so he probably told him, but he hasn’t talked to me at all. I thought he would’ve at least texted me. I don’t blame him, though,” Blaine shrugged. “He wants nothing to do with me.” 

“That’s not true, Blaine.” Brittany’s voice was soft, something he hadn’t heard in a while. Nobody had treated him with such kindness; everyone at the hospital was rude and seemed like they didn’t want to deal with him, his mom seemed scared, like any little thing would set him off, and his father and Cooper had barely spoken to him. Cooper called from L.A., but it was clear he didn’t know what to say. He seemed more annoyed and angry than anything else. Most of the people he had talked to today were uncomfortable or nervous. Sam was more focused on defending Blaine than helping him. But Brittany’s concern, her helping him clean himself up and talking to him, it was nothing but sweet. “It’s probably hard for him. I mean, if the same thing happened with me and Santana, I don’t think I’d know what to do.” Blaine didn’t say anything. He stared down at his arm. He didn’t have any extra bandages on him and they didn’t have a first aid kit, so he had to wait until he got home to dress it. “Give him time. He’s hurting as much as you are.”

Blaine smiled sadly. "I doubt that. I get what you mean, though. I have to give him time." He wiped away the rest of his tears, sniffling. "I just want everything to go back to the way it was before." 

"I do, too. I miss Santana." Brittany said. She glanced at the clock. "I'm gonna go back to practice. You wanna come with me?" 

Blaine shrugged. "I don't know if Coach Sue is gonna let me." 

Brittany stood up, holding out a hand to Blaine. "C'mon, Blaine Warbler." 

Blaine took her hand, letting her pull him up. They walked in relative silence out of the locker room. The two of them only got a few feet down the hallway before running into Kitty. 

"So, I may or may not have a spot on the Cheerios anymore," She said, not even bothering with a hello or asking how Blaine was. "I kind of yelled at Sue for you." 

"You did?" Blaine asked. He never thought Kitty would do that for him. "What did you say?" 

"Just that she was being a total bitch and that you're going through a lot without her treating you like that." Blaine smiled softly at Kitty. "Don't get sappy on me, Anderson, I was just protecting a teammate." Kitty continued. "Sue is pissed, you two might not want to go back there. I'm going to the Lima Bean if you wanna come with." 

Brittany nodded. "Of course!" 

"I have to go back to my place to get some... stuff, but I can meet you there." 

Kitty lightly punched Blaine in the shoulder. "See you there, bow tie boy."

Blaine waved a quick goodbye before walking in the opposite direction to get to his car, smiling to himself as he went. Maybe today wasn't so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're struggling with anything mentioned in this fic, you can find a list of suicide hotlines [here](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html), a crisis text line [here](https://www.crisistextline.org/). Stay Safe!


End file.
